The Distance
by JeeSun
Summary: You know, there used to be a time when you loved me. AddisonDerek angst.


**Title: **The Distance

**Author: **JeeSun

**Category: **A bit angsty

**Pairing: **Addison/Derek

**Summary: **"You know, there used to be a time when you loved me."

**Disclaimer**: Not mine.

**A/N:** My first attempt at a Addison/Derek fic. Sorry for possible spelling and grammar mistakes. Comments and feedback are almost as good as a new episode of GA!

* * *

Derek isn't running, although he thinks he probably should. In high school and college he loved to run but that stopped when he began his internship in New York. It was then that he started associating running with something bad and he still does. Running makes him think of his patient crashing and dying. If a patient is fine there's no reason to run. But he's not running this time even though he knows this patient is far from fine.

When he enters the room he stops for a few seconds. He leans against the doorframe and just looks at the woman who's laying in bed. Her face is turned away from him but he knows she's crying because her shoulders are shaking slightly. And even if the shoulders weren't shaking he'd know she's crying anyway.

He walks over to the bed and gently puts his hand on her upper arm. She turns around to face him with those big, blue, innocent eyes that he loves. He strokes away her red hair from her face then lets his hand stay on her cheek.

She grasps his hand and looks at him. "I'm sorry. I should have been more careful. I shouldn't have worked so much."

He looks away for a second. Then bends down to kiss her on the forehead. When he looks at her he realises the horrible truth. His wife just had a miscarriage and he thinks it's her fault. He doesn't want to but he can't help it.

* * *

When he leaves the hospital the time has since long passed eleven. He told Addison he'd be home at eight, at the latest. Somehow, he found patients that needed him. Both of them are painfully aware of the fact that he's been avoiding her ever since she came home from the hospital, three weeks ago. She's doing everything to get his attention but nothing works. He doesn't want to be around her.

The dinner table's set when he enters the kitchen. She's not there and he feels relieved. He hates himself for feeling like this but he thinks eventually it will pass. After all, she's still his wife.

"Hey."

He spins around. Addison is standing by the door. It almost looks as if she's afraid of entering the room, as if she wants to give him distance. He can tell by her eyes that she's been crying and suddenly he feels guilty.

"I'm sorry," he mumbles. "I had to take care of some patients."

"It's okay," she says quietly. "I understand."

It seems as if she's waiting for him to say something more. When he never does, she sighs quietly and leaves. Immediately, relief is filling his body.

* * *

She's pulled herself together the last couple of weeks. She's the same Addison she was before the miscarriage; strong, gorgeous, intelligent and happy. She's making each and everyone of the male staff, and some of the female as well, turning their heads after her as she walks down the hospital hallways. He tries to feel jealousy but all he feels is indifference. He's not blaming her anymore, though, but the distance is still there. Lately, he's been thinking that maybe this is one obstacle they won't be able to get over.

"There is chinese food for you in the kitchen," she says with a small smile.

He nods and takes of his jacket before sitting down next to her on the couch.

She puts away her magazine. "How was your day?"

He shrugs. "Okay, I guess. Yours?"

"It was okay."

They become quiet and the silence between them is awkward. They've stopped having things to talk about. They should be talking about the loss of their baby but none of them has said a word about it. It's weird but for now it works.

* * *

He's in bed reading Time magazine. The door to the bathroom opens and Addison enters the bedroom. He looks up at his wife. She's bought new lingerie, or has he been so busy and self absorbed the last six months that he notices first now? She's beautiful, looking innocent and almost a bit shy. It reminds him of when they started dating. He fell for her immediately when he saw that red hair and her blue eyes. He was confident and cocky. She on the other hand was shy and quiet. During their years together they've managed to bring out the best in each other. Thinking of that catches Derek off guard and he feels a shamed again for what he's doing to her. He looks down and pretends to start reading his magazine again. After a minute he feels the bed shifting. He glances to his side and when he sees her back is facing him he looks fully at her. Her head is bent down and she takes a deep breath.

"You know, there used to be a time when you loved me," she says quietly before laying down under the covers, without so much as a glance at him.

* * *

He's late again but he's made up his mind. He's going to try harder to make this marriage work. He's going to change, take care of her better and be nicer to her. When he locks up the front door he's filled by a weird feeling in the pit of his stomach. Something doesn't feel right. As he's walking up the stairs he feels more sad than upset. He knows that this is his fault. He drove her to this. As he's walking towards their bedroom the pain to the left of his chest is almost unbearable. It's then that he realises how much he still loves her. But as he slowly opens the door he realises it's too late.

* * *


End file.
